Resentment & the Truth About Over-Giving
Resentment is one of those emotions that sneaks up on us.
It can happen for a number of reasons. For the purpose of this blog, we’re going to discuss it from the lens of over-giving.
At first, resentment can feel like frustration or irritation at someone else—the friend who always asks too much, the partner who doesn’t notice how much we’re doing, the family member who expects us to drop everything.
But when we slow down and get honest with ourselves, resentment often has less to do with them and more to do with us. Specifically, the parts of ourselves we’ve given away when we didn’t actually want to.
Why Resentment Feels So Heavy
Resentment from giving usually grows in the gap between what we give and what we want to give.
We say yes when we mean no.
We overextend because we’re afraid of disappointing someone.
We prioritize others’ needs so often that our own feel invisible.
The problem is, no one else can track that gap for us. Only we know what feels aligned and what feels draining. Without self-awareness, resentment becomes the inevitable outcome of self-abandonment.
The Role of Self-Awareness
Resentment is your body’s signal that something feels off, that you’ve crossed your own boundary—even if no one else forced you to.
Self-awareness allows us to pause and ask:
Did I want to give this, or did I feel like I had to?
What fear or belief drove my choice?
What do I need in order to feel balanced and respected here?
These questions shift resentment from blame into clarity.
Accountability Without Shame
Here’s the hard truth I’ve had to learn: at the end of the day, I am responsible for what I choose to give. That doesn’t excuse people who take advantage, and it doesn’t mean the world gets a free pass to be inconsiderate.
But it does mean I have to own my yes and my no. Because when I give what I don’t want to give, I become part of the cycle that fuels my resentment.
Accountability doesn’t erase the hurt—it gives me the power to change it.
Moving Forward
If you notice resentment simmering in your life, treat it as an invitation. Not to judge yourself, but to get curious: What boundary needs attention? Where do I need to stop over-giving?
You are allowed to give freely—but only when it comes from a place of choice, not obligation. That’s the kind of giving that feels life-giving, not soul-draining.
Final Thought
Resentment can be painful, but it’s also a teacher. It points us back to ourselves, our boundaries, and our responsibility to honor them. When we take ownership of our choices, we stop resenting others for crossing lines we never actually set.
That’s where freedom—and healthier relationships—begin.
If resentment feels like a constant companion in your life, therapy can help you untangle the patterns behind it and learn how to honor your boundaries with clarity and compassion. I offer weekday sessions for people who are ready to stop over-giving and start living in alignment with themselves.